1. I bought a $600 dress because it makes you look good.

2. I spent a lot on air tickets, why don't you pay for my dress?

3. I cannot bring your clothes over. We are only using one suitcase and it is full.

4. I am going to borrow your clutch, my Coach purse doesn't match the dress.

5. I have no money to buy a new bag so why don't you give me your Coach bag.

6. I have no money to buy anything but you can get Kelly to buy you a new bag.


Everytime I talk to you, my heart breaks a little. It's been so many years now. I am just holding tenuously to whatever that's left.

help! i need some solid career advice. anyone?

purses, purses and more purses. chanel, miu miu, botkier, mulberry... *sighs softly in longing*

last week was eventful. it all started on wed when i got news of my grandma's hospitalisation on my way to my friend's solemnisation rehearsal. update, grandma's not coherent and not eating. until she starts eating which includes taking her medicine, she can't be discharged. though her life is in no grave danger.

Then on fri, I attended VivoCity's 1st anniversary celebration. It was one grand party with overseas angmoh singers, acrobatic performances and fireworks! From afar, I thought the acrobat on top look like Harry Potter and my colleague agrees with me!

That same night, boss and I drank rounds of sake. 1st time I tried so many different sakes. Boss even brought out his secret Ginjyo stash. Yummy.. i am starting to develop a liking for sakes! Miraculously, I made my way home and pass out on my bed.


On sat, i visited grandma before meeting up with the 姐妹 to prepare the stuff for tekan-ing the groom and brothers. We had lemon juice, bittergourd juice, ribena and chilli padi seeds which lynn pounded and soaked in vinegar overnight. Gals take note, feedback from the brothers said the last one is damn potent!

Poor Lynn had to endure the stinging pain the chilli padi seeds gave her for a whole night. preparing the ingredients is harder than the actual tekan-ing. 6 hours of work all down the throat in 6mins.

i got me 2 pairs of shoes from Pazzion cos' Deb has $20 off with her credit card.
*aside, Pazzion shoes really last me a long while. Charles & Keith confirm conk out on me after 3 months. Pazzion shoes are twice more expensive but way more lasting plus they have nice designs!*

a black pair with bling bling crystals. very classy and chic, perfect for all the wedding dinners i have to attend but that's an excuse. ;)


the soles even come with a nice flowery pattern!


at my last count of frequently worn shoes, i have 2 grey, 1 black and 1 beige so i decided to sprinkle some colour to my shoe wardrobe.


pumps with a rounded tip are very in now.

i thought it was just me. turns out 3 other people share my view. and i am so gleeful about it.
- laughing all the way -

Yesterday, Mr K snookered us. Today, Mr K played politics. *rolls eyes* I am learning the tricks of doing business.

Interesting customer is at it again. Let's call him Mr K. I initially thought he was Korean. He's not but behaves like the traditional Korean guy anyway.

Incident #2 - Day of event
Mr K: Why don't you remove it?
Me: My mole?
Mr K: Ya, you look more beautiful without it.
Me: I checked with the doctor. It would leave a scar. So it's either mole or scar.
Mr K: Now got lasik wat.
Me: Er. Lasik is for the eyes.
Mr K: I mean the thing they use for lasik. What is that? Ah, laser.
Me: Er, I never check what my doctor would use. But there would still be a scar. Anyway, my parents don't want me to.
Mr K: Aiya, go get married. Then your husband would have the final say.
Me: (trying not to roll my eyes) What if my husband don't mind?
Mr K: (ignores what i just said and continues his spiel) But if your parents don't like then you also cannot do anything lah.

I look beautiful with or without it and it's not polite to point out to someone you meet for the second time that they have a facial disability. Even if you think you are like my father, you aren't.

Incident #3 - The day after the event
Mr K calls up. " Let me give you some tips for the next event. Blah blah blah." After he finishes spilling, he hangs up. I can't even get a word in. Now, who is the rude person?

I met a most interesting customer lately. He is apparently a fan of the carrot/stick approach. After slamming me left right up down, he tells me he just wants to teach me like a father would. When he was done, I left his family to eat in peace.

After what I thought was a reasonable amount of time to finish a meal, I came out to check on how he liked the meal. He was very pleased. Score. To make up for his earlier tirade, he decides to compliment me.

Him: "I like the gold."
Me: 'Gold? Oh, you mean my earrings?"
Him: "No." Reaches out to touch my hair. "Your hair. I like the gold colour. Looks very good with the sun behind you."

Right.

1) Kelly's visit!

2) passing my probation

3) learning driving

4) training for the Standard Chartered race. jogging twice a week will be a good start.

the day started great then dipped. just when my mood was upbeat again, i got a mail from you. now i am ... no words to describe. it's not the work that i fear. it's the lack of comradeship.

one conclusion: 萬事起頭難， 只要一步一步來。

i am happy for you. really i am. but do you realise what i am unhappy about is the very thing that makes you happy? i am happy for you but the sense of unworthiness in me is growing too. i wonder when you will realise that.

I have come to realise that recruitment consultants are the best marketers. Because they can tell half-truths without missing a beat. I was pretty sure I would get to choose between 2 offers because the interviewers felt good about me and made very good comments. Hence, my consultant felt I would get the job and demonstrated it too. She failed to mention another candidate (not from her agency) was in the running too.

So, me being super confident was getting a headache over which offer to accept. I already had one which gave me the experience I want but the terms wasn't satisfactory. This one that I was waiting on had better pay and hours but not the experience I need. After agonizing over it, I decided pay should triumph. I would tell them yes tomorrow when the offer came.

Tomorrow came and the company decided on the other candidate. Even though I knew deep inside that this wasn't the job for me, I still felt the pangs of disappointment. Rejection is never pleasant. But sour grapes saved the day. "Humpfh. At least I can call myself a marketing exec instead of marketing admin!"

In the end, I got what I asked for. I prayed God would open and close the doors as he deem fit and he did. 我甘心了。Hey God, maybe I should be a recruitment consultant since they are such good marketers?

Once again, I realised why people who come back from overseas tend to want to live apart from their family. Before you give me a tongue lashing on how un-filial I am and how ang moh pai I have become, I must have you know that I do love my parents and I am aware of how much they do for me. But it is exactly all that they do that makes it stifling. I can do housework but I like to do it when I want it. I can eat at home but sometimes I want other stuff. I can cook but I also can pop downstairs to buy more economical food. I can a lot of things too but now all I can do is to keep quiet. Because as we all know, if you are the lowest rung in the economy, you have the least right. Ok, it's not that I can't make noise but you guys plugged me up with love. So what else can I say? =)

dammit. dammit. dammit. my laptop's adaptor spoil. new parts will take 5 - 10 days to arrive from Toshiba.

blogging this from laura's house now. i miss being able to get online. nowadays my mood is dependant on how my job prospects look for the day. no job is no fun.

Life as I know it, used to take a set path. I just had to follow the path that others had tread or someone would tell me what to do. So I long for the freedom to make a choice. When I have it, suddenly I am thrown off track. I don't know what I should do with it. I don't have the confidence to charge so I choose to wait it out. But the mind is not accustomed to waiting. To stopping. To doing nothing. It's not just me but other well meaning people too so they offer advice. Which I know anyway. And that feels like ripping the bandage off a wound. It hurts, double.

Why is it that being beautiful means you get free gifts?

Then I see this: http://laozhabor.blogspot.com/ and realise that maybe the trick is to be cute. :)

and I am posting here because this is my venting ground and I know Kelly won't be reading this.

What are the words that would describe how I feel now?
Bored
Lonely
Heartbroken
Indecisive
Useless
Floater
PMS

I just wish I could teleport myself back home now to my parents and friends. I am going to be calling my parents later, another heartbreaking session. Another session of hardening my heart. What to do? I am torn.

I miss my old life. I miss my life. I miss a life.

Sigh ... I realise I am not the most tactful of people. I try to mind my words when I am talking to strangers but now I have to watch what I say to friends too?!

Why is it that everytime I think we have gotten over the need to mince words and be polite, you remind me otherwise? Shouldn't you realise by now that I don't say things to inflame or attack? I guess you do. That's why you would treat me coldly, try to reason with yourself that I don't mean it and yet you are seething with anger inside. But what did I even say wrongly?

Why say "the three of us are strays" then proceed to cast me out when I align with your feelings? How is "Anyway, you don't regard her as cell leader anymore." launching 'a personal attack on you and you have the rights to reject abuse'? How is this a personal attack? If you did see her as a cell leader, you won't treat her the way you do. You won't make her angry or ignore her. You won't not attend church just so you won't see her. AM I WRONG? Tell me if I am. You can correct me. Why disappear and boil in anger, letting this build up into a grudge? This is not fair to me either. I have the right to defend myself too.

I am just defending her. Maybe deep down, you still see her as one. Then I am wrong. I have read your actions and intended meanings wrongly. I can just conclude I don't know you well enough. I can read in your message that you think we are all tattletales. That we are gestapo even. And so you limit yourself to that small circle of 2. Everytime someone tries to genuinely care, all you do is to establish their intentions and if they aren't found honourable enough by YOUR standards, you close the door immediately and disappear in a cloud of paranoia and anger. You realise that your threshold for friendship is so low that anyone who is or was part of the cell cannot even build a friendship unless she is in your exact same situation??!!

Once again, I have to remind myself to thread carefully with you. That I can't talk freely with you. Looks like I have to go through this over and over again before I learn to keep things casual and light between us. As much as you are hurt, I am too. And I forget time and again how to avoid hurting myself.