I hate walking through Orchard tunnel. I hate walking to Ang Mo Kio station. I hate Saturdays. Someone is always asking me to buy tissues or make a donation. If I do, I feel the need to give more. If I don't, I feel guilty.

I have the gahmen to thank for the guilt trip. Because they sent me out to ask for donations. I understand standing for hours having to smile and be polite even when half the people are rejecting you. I take my revenge by chasing down those who avoid me. Then I smile at them and thrust my tin in their faces so they have no choice but dig into their wallets for coins. Those that mumble 'Don't want', I let them go. Cos they acknowledge I am human.

Mainly I feel guilty cos there are so many people asking and I have only so much love (money). And then there are stories of tissue paper syndicates, monk scams and con men. Who can you trust? So I volunteer my time instead. But that has its heartpains too. I realise the limit of what I can do if the other person doesn't help themselves. Gosh, I feel useless. So I stopped caring.

I don't want the noise or the celebrity stunts. However selfish or big-headed this sounds, I like to give cos I like to think I make a difference. I like to believe in the starfish story. That many many starfishes might be dying but every one I diligently throw back into the sea might live a bit longer. I finally woke up this week. K & I made a small donation towards the earthquake relief efforts. I am happy we did it together.

You can make a donation for the Sichuan Earthquake relief efforts here.

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